The Ben & Jamesa Podcast: Conversations About Community
Welcome to The Ben & Jamesa Podcast, where we explore conversations about community.
In each episode we challenge each other, and you the listener, to unlearn old patterns and build more compassionate, authentic connections in every area of life.
If you're new here, start with episode #137, “Start Here,” for an overview of our work and podcast. After that, dive into any episode that resonates with you as we break down how to move from control to genuine connection.
Episodes
144 episodes
Ep.152: Open-Hearted Living (and White Folks) – Part 1
In this episode, we explore why living with an open heart can feel impossible—especially for white folks—and what it might take to shift toward more connection, presence, and curiosity in daily life.We talk about:What it trul...
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41:16
Ep. 151: 5 Things Men Misunderstand About Love
Love isn’t just desire, provision, or possession—yet too often that’s what men are taught to believe. In this episode, we dive into 5 Things Men Don’t Understand About Love, drawing from the wisdom of bell hooks, James Baldwin, and Joh...
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Season 9
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43:58
Ep. 150: What is Control Culture
Control culture is everywhere—at work, in our relationships, even in how we treat ourselves. But what exactly is it, and how does it quietly shape the way we live, lead, and connect with others?In today’s episode, we unpack the hidden wa...
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Season 9
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46:42
Ep. 149 Community as an Antidote to Whiteness, Pt. 4: Family & Community
We’re continuing our series on community with a focus on our very first one—family. We’ll dig into the growing trend of adult estrangement, explore 4 common causes that fracture connection within families, and share 6 practi...
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Season 9
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48:35
Ep. 148: Community as an Antidote to Whiteness, Pt. 3: The Workplace
What if our workplaces actually felt like community?In Part 3 of our series on community, we explore how the harmful patterns of whiteness and control show up in our work lives—and what it would take to build somet...
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Season 9
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40:01
Ep, 147 Community as an Antidote to Whiteness. Pt. 2: Obstacles to Community
In Part Two of Community as an Antidote to Whiteness, we name five common ways people unintentionally sabotage the very thing they say they want: community. From profit-chasing to power-seeking, avoidance of vulnerability to lack of ac...
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Season 9
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44:31
Ep. 146: Community, the Antidote to Whiteness, Part 1: Defining Community
What even is community—and how have whiteness and capitalism distorted our understanding of it? In this first episode of our new series, we explore how community has been replaced by performance, productivity, and transactions—an...
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Season 9
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44:37
Ep. 145: The Great American Brain Drain
This week on The Ben and Jamesa Podcast, we’re talking about what happens when some of America’s brightest minds decide they’ve had enough—and leave. We’re exploring the growing wave of academics and thinkers moving abroad, why it’s ha...
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Season 9
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38:50
Ep. 144: Red, Whiteness & Blue: The Freedom Paradox
This Fourth of July, we’re unpacking the irony of a holiday built on freedom—while whiteness continues to rely on control. We explore how white people can move from control to connection using our CACTI model: Compassion, Accountability, Curios...
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Season 9
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46:13
Ep. 143: Why Do White People Love Violence?
This week, we explore how violence—whether in relationships, policing, or foreign policy—is normalized and often celebrated in white American culture. Drawing from our experience in domestic violence work, we unpack how control, blame, and forc...
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Season 9
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43:55
Ep. 142 Why Do White People Hate Black Joy?
In this episode, we dig into the discomfort, resentment, and backlash that often show up when Black joy takes center stage—especially around holidays like Juneteenth. We explore why white supremacy depends on Black suffering, how joy beco...
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Season 9
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48:11
Ep. 141: Shit I Have A Problem With (Ft. Eckoes)
This week, we’re joined by the brilliant Eckoes, creator behind one of our favorite social media accounts, Shit I Have a Problem With. We get into what it actually means to have a problem with something — and how to do it in a way that...
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Season 9
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51:46
Ep. 140: Calm the "F" Down
In this episode, we dive into the four F’s—Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn—and how these survival responses can derail us from doing the right thing, especially in moments that call for courage, clarity, or connection. We unpack how these patte...
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Season 9
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44:34
Ep. 139: Hiding Control in Virtuous Language
What do phrases like “pro-life,” “law and order,” and “family values” have in common?They sound virtuous—but they’re often just control, dressed up as morality.In this episode, Ben and Jamesa—coming to you from o...
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Season 9
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42:14
Ep. 138: Do White People Hate Racism Enough?
We hear it all the time: “Of course I hate racism.” But when we start looking a little deeper — into silence, avoidance, who we protect, and what we’re willing to give up — the picture gets murkier.In this episode, we’re tal...
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Season 9
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40:11
Ep. 137: Start With This Episode (and Black Fatigue)
If you’ve ever wondered where to begin with this podcast, this is the one. In our season 9 opener, we bring you into the heart of our work: building a community rooted in letting go of control and choosing connection.We explore the recen...
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Season 9
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31:37
Ep. 136: Why Do White People Have No Empathy For Black Children?
In this episode, we dive into the viral video of a white woman calling a Black child the N-word—and the jaw-dropping fact that she made over $600K in donations afterward. We unpack what this says about whiteness, dehumanization, and ...
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Season 8
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46:09
Ep. 135: Disruption and A Real Pain
In today’s episode, Ben and Jamesa reflect on the recent blackout in Portugal and what it revealed about control, flexibility, and unexpected stillness. They also dive into insights sparked by the film A Real Pain, exploring them...
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Season 8
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42:55
Ep. 134: Neurospicy Social Justice
In this episode of Ben and Jamesa, we dive into the intersection of neurodivergence and social justice, exploring what it means to live as a neurospicy family in a world built for neurotypical norms. We unpack RFK Jr.’s recent co...
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Season 8
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44:00
Ep. 133: Travelling Outside Your Comfort Zone
In this episode, we explore what it really means to step outside your comfort zone—whether that’s moving across the world, engaging with unfamiliar identities, or sitting with uncomfortable truths about privilege and power.We kick things...
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Season 8
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43:35
Ep. 132: Netflix's Adolescence and the HVO Cycle
In this episode, we dive into Adolescence, Netflix’s hit series on toxic masculinity, disconnection, and the Manosphere. We break down how the show illustrates the Hero-Victim-Offender (HVO) Cycle—the pattern that keeps men trapped in ...
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Season 8
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45:26
Ep. 131: Caring for Yourself, Caring for your Community
In this episode of the Ben and Jamesa Podcast, we explore what it truly takes to care for yourself deeply—beyond bubble baths and quick fixes—so that you can show up fully for your family, your community, and the world. We discuss life...
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Season 8
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51:56
Ep. 130: White People and Empathy Deficits
In this episode, we break down the latest headlines and the recurring theme of white empathy deficits shaping public discourse. We unpack the return of segregation—not in name, but in practice—as systemic choices continue to isolate and exclude...
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Season 8
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41:00
Ep. 129: Black Lives Still Matter
In this episode, we dive into the latest headlines and why the fight for Black lives is far from over. We share more details about our move out of the country, unpack the realities of white empathy (and when it’s more harmful than helpful), and...
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Season 8
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50:32